UDC Professor Spreads the Gospel of Singleness as a Gift
September 11, 2024
UDC Professor Spreads the Gospel of Singleness as a Gift
It’s not that Craig Wynne, an associate professor of English at the University of the District of Columbia, is soured on relationships. But the self-proclaimed “Happy Bachelor” has built a brand around the joys of singlehood.
When Wynne isn’t teaching composition and rhetoric, he focuses on Singles Studies in pop culture, going so far as to write and publish academic essays and articles, and even a book—“How to be a Happy Bachelor.” His website, thehappybachelor.org, offers a blog, advice and meeting information. And his Meetup group, Childfree Singles of the DMV, has more than 375 members.
As he prepares to mark “Unmarried and Single Americans Week” Sept. 15-22, Wynne answers questions about a growing societal acceptance of singles.
Q: How did you get started on the single path?
A: I had a bad breakup in 2015 and realized I needed to understand how to be single and happy. So, I Googled the topic and came across Bella DePaulo’s website, which was chock-full of research and information on singleness and the stigma associated with it. Her work on laws and policies that marginalize singles really inspired me to focus my research on singlism and all things related to the topic.
Q: You use two interesting terms: Singlism and Matrimania. Would you explain?
A: Singlism is the discrimination or stigma on single people. Matrimania is an over-the-top societal obsession with marriage and weddings. The average cost of weddings is $30,000 and up. And they’re not just expensive for the couple; guests have their own expenses to contend with: gifts, travel, events leading up to the big day. Then look at the popularity of shows like “90 Day Fiancé,” “The Bachelor” and “Married at First Sight.” These shows are very entertaining and extremely popular. Society is obsessed with being partnered up.
Q: What’s so bad about being in relationships?
A: I don’t believe relationships are bad per se; they’re just overhyped. Also, the divorce rate is about 50%. But that’s not as important as the declining rate of marriage. The Pew Research Center predicts that by 2030—just six years from now—one in four people will have never married by the time they’re 50 years old. The rate is going down because in the past, marriage was expected, it was a social norm. Nevertheless, more people are becoming comfortable with alternatives. You can get romantically involved, but people realize there are other ways that don’t involve monogamy or marriage. And that’s becoming more acceptable.
Q: Can you give us examples of singlism?
A: If I get married and have a child, I can leave my Social Security benefits to them. But I couldn’t leave it to a friend or sibling. Even if I couple up, if we don’t sign that piece of paper that says husband and wife, they don’t get the benefit. My favorite one is the Marital Communications Privilege law: You cannot be compelled to testify against a spouse.
Q: How did you get others to join your journey?
A: I started a Meetup group and joined the “Community of Single People” page on Facebook, which was started by Bella; I encouraged others to join. Before long, I was asked to speak at events at UDC and in the city. I focus on singlehood, and some participants want to be coupled, and some do not. We respect the diversity of the group, but we also talk about laws, policies and microagressions.
Q: Can you talk a little about the loneliness epidemic?
A: It’s a real problem. A lot of it comes from our overconsumption of technology. We are connected with people on social media, but it can be isolating, so it limits our ability to connect with other people. However, writers and even academics tend to misconstrue it with declining marriage rates, so they offer romance as a solution. It can be a solution, but there are a lot of other options.
Women have a much easier time being single because they tend to form social networks more easily. That’s not the case with men, who are encouraged and expected to suffer in silence. Consequently, their social network consists of their romantic partner and whoever their mutual friends might be. This leads to men usually having a harder time adjusting to divorce, breakups or death.
I encourage men to build platonic relationships, build friendships and make meaningful connections. Those tend to be the most rewarding relationships. Hands down, men and women can be friends without benefits.
Q: Where are you going next with your work in Singles Studies?
A: My next book will focus on how singles are portrayed in media, specifically, in romantic comedies. The theme is usually that coupling up fixes the broken protagonist.
Q: Are you optimistic that laws and mores will become more equitable for singles?
A: Yes, I’m optimistic. I believe as marriage rates continue to decline, and as norms begin to change, a lot of these folks who choose to remain single will be elected to office, look at these laws and see that they are not fitting anymore. It may not be in our lifetime, but I am putting in the work so that other generations can benefit. That will be my legacy, that it will help other people’s children.
My motto is “Live your best life, whether you partner up or not.”